Our Infinity

 

In this little space of time……I’ve loved you …
And been loved by you
There are infinite numbers b/n zero and one
There is .1, .12, .13etc
Of coz there is a bigger collection of nos b/n zero and two
or b/n zero and a million

The days we spent……
In each second my heart soared by you
Each minute I spent holding your hand
Fighting with you
Loving you
Arguing over books and lunch
Ernest my love
I cannot tell you how thankful I am
For our little infinity
You gave me forever
In a short space of time
And for that I am eternally grateful
I love you so much

I know unlike the “Fault in our stars”
None of us saw death
And you did not want this
But for me
You were a delight I was not supposed to enjoy
A delicacy that wasn’t mine to have

That I had you
For the short time…
…That you gave me forever and
Showed me a love so beautiful,
Stubborn..and awesome
Is the biggest miracle these
Eyes of mine
This heart of mine ever saw
Ever felt
And might never feel..and see again

I know
You’re in another’s arms right now
And I too
But our infinity will
Forever by eulogized
In my heart
And poems
And novel….
And I will move on in life
With a bold smile
Knowing I was loved by you.

So deeply
And so intense
And that’s more than most
People get
I love you
I love you….God I’m
So lucky to have loved you
Love hurts…
I know
Hazel Grace knows…

You don’t get to choose if you get
Hurt in this world but you do
Have a say in who hurts you
I like my choice
I chose you…..
For the brief infinity of my life

Some infinities are simply bigger than others…..
So I thank God for my infinity
With you
04/12/2014
Tasha

– The Fault in our Stars

There’s this Boy

 

 

There’s this boy

And he kindda has my heart

Won’t let him know

Till I figure how to get it back

 

There’s this boy

And I kindda stole his heart

Want him to have it

But he doesn’t want it back

 

It’s swelling and beating

With adrenaline and emotions

It’s veins are stretched with Arousal

It’s arteries clogged with Pain

 

We both know how delicate

The heart is

We both know how long it

Takes to heal…

 

Emotions are strong enough to tear

A vein

More destructive than hypercrondiasis

A betrayal is enough to stop

The heart

More threatening than a heart attack

So why do I delay in taking

My heart back

And why does he refuse

To retrieve his treasure back?

 

There’s this lad

I kindda have his heart

He has to take it back

Or else I’m doomed for guilt

 

There’s this lad

I kindda have his heart

He has to take it back

Or else he is doomed for Pain

19/06/2012

Cayenne*

 

 

 

Masculine Perfection

 

 

Your features

Are that of a person who

Can never relax…

You were born to fight

 

Fight for your life

Fight for your country

Fight for me

 

Your mind

It carries the wisdom of an

Ancient man

It carries the passion of an

Ancient heart

And all the wealth of love you could

Ever shower on a woman

I was once that woman…

 

But i could never tend those

Muscles well enough

Could never relax your heart

Long enough

Before you sprang back to thinking

And pondering

And brainstorming

How you can help the needy

The youth

Your beloved nation

 

You are carved in every

Masculine way

That delights my seadipus eyes

Muscles bundled in softness

Oh that heart that loved me!

Adored me

Worshipped me

That heart that gave a bit if itself

To strangers in need

Till it had nothing left but

Blooded tatters

 

I know you still love me

From a distance

As I….you

My assiduous leader

2nd Kwame Nkrumah

I’ll miss you forever

An infinite eulogy on the billboard

Of my mind.

July 2015.

Cayenne

 

 

 

 

I’m falling into you

 

 

A boy within…

A man outward…

Fragile beneath…

Strong outward…

Soft within…

Tough outward…

…And I touched that soul within

 

That soul that loves me so

It’s icy lips have I felt

It’s unseeable image have I seen

Within the depths of your

Pleading eyes

And I shudder that I touched it

 

For now I have come to love it…

Against all warning signs!

And in the serenity of my moments

Have I longed for it

When all becomes still

 

And now I weigh the warnings and

The yearnings…

That which is written and my

Emerging desires…

His will and my growing desire…

 

Would you be an instrument in the

Hands of the foe…

A blessing in one way…a curse

In the latter part…

We cannot see as far as

Father can see…

We do not know how wrong the

Future would go if we end up together

 

And with my little knowledge;

Best friends last longer than lovers…

 

…So am left thinking to myself..

He knocked and asked if he could

Join me in my thoughts…

I resisted him…

He raised his hands and saith…

“Come now and let us reason together”

At the end of the dialogue

His perfect will was obvious;

We were meant to be only friends

And it was for our own good

And the sake of our calling.

13/06/12

Tasha

My 1st Love

 

 

You you were my first and

Last broken heart

After you I turned tables

And became the Chess Master

Always with an ace up my sleeve

 

You kissed my naïvety with honesty

And bit my swelling love

With betrayal

You bit me on the lip

When I caught your eyes opened

In a seemly deep kiss

 

You were my first love

The first man to show me how cruel

This world is

Ain’t for a girl

Wanting to love and be loved

Only for a woman who knows

Where she’s going

 

So college will teach you all

The theories of wealth

Marx is fighting with the government

And Freud thinks women are

Lesser men

This world will offer you no help

But will only make way for

The woman

Who knows where she is going

–

 

So wait till you know

What you want

And if you still want me at the end

In addition to your ambitions

I’ll still be yours for the taking

 

And this time when I kiss you

It will be with eyes deeply closed

And I’ll know am loving a woman

Who knows what she wants

And who’s desire is really for me

Till then let me remain your ex

And I’m sorry I hurt you.

11/09/1014

Tasha

I’M SORRY

No I can’t take one more step

Towards you

Coz loving you is too painful

No I can’t take one more

Step towards you

Coz you in my life is a tornado

 

An enigma to my mind

And yet my heart’s best friend

Your love is cryptic to my soul

But in your snuggle

Doth my heart smile

 

Still I can’t take one more step

Towards you

Coz with you I burn

No I can’t take one more step

Coz with you I drown

 

You loved me before you knew me

Thought your love was strange

You oscillate even in your anger

Wished I had kissed you deeper- though

 

You loved me against reason

…Against promise

…….Against peace

 

But I chose peace to you

Chose the lake

His humdrum kisses to your

Crazy- passion lips

 

Coz

Real love burns; fake love stoics

Steering True Love’s ship

Too difficult

Too arduous

 

So I’m turning tables

And tabling our love for good

I’m a hypocrite; yes I know

But how am I supposed to feel

When you always striking

My Achilles heel

 

My ticker doth need defense

And against you is it vulnerable

So do me a favor

Be my ghost not my reality

01/10/2013

Cayenne

 

YOU HAPPENED

 

 

You gave me everything I had ever

Dreamt of

You made my wishes come true

The unrealistic wishes of a silly

Adventurous lass

 

Ending a fight in a passionate kiss

With you it came true

Walking by the sea at night

With you it came real

 

Having a poem fight in our anger

With you it came true

Pillow fighting till we lost our breath

With you it came real

 

Looking at me like I was his world

With you it came true

Kissing the back of my hand

A beautiful gesture

With you it came real

 

Seeing the tears of a man for the first

Time

With you it came true

Having a man cherish the very ground

I stepped on

With you it came real

 

You loved me before you knew me

Never thought that was possible

You loved me against reason, against

Peace, against hope

Thought your love was strange

 

You nursed my wounds in oblivion

To yours

Outlandish

You kissed my feet and loved me

Above God

Impossibility

 

In your arms I felt safe

Yet empowered to take on the world

You grew my esteem till I became

The woman I am

 

You leaned on me and wept in

Your exhaustion of life’s battles

You shared your dreams and hopes

And

I fell in love for the first time

 

In the intensity of your kisses

I was lost in another world

In the safety of your arms I

Escaped the fears of my childhood

 

We danced in the moonlight and

Made love with our minds each day

In you was what I dreamed

And yearned

And wished

And still crave for

 

I love you

…I LOVE YOU

I have never loved a man so

But with you life is a sea

My heart dancing- My heart aches

 

For you strike my Achilles heel

In your arms am I most vulnerable

But we are never so defenseless

Against suffering

As when in love.

21/09/2013

Cayenne

Stretching Limits

 

 

I can feel it

The silence is actually touching me

I can hear it

Its elasticity is reaching it’s bounds

You’ve

Never

Gone so long without

Talking to me

 

I know I walked out

I know this is how it’s supposed

To be

I know you’re doing great

Going so long

But I’m still taken aback

That you could actually do it

 

It’s actually happening

You are walking away

After pursuing for so long

I thought you’d never have it in you

I thought you’d always be my

Stalker

My virile exciting stalker

 

And now a part of me is scared

And I wonder who now has your

Attention

I wonder if you would ever love

Like you loved me

If a woman will ever have your

Rapt attention

As I possessed yours

 

I wonder if you’re smiling

And waltzing

And kissing

And been loved

……………….

If you’re writing

Poems of her…

If she makes you laugh

That rapturous laughter

And makes you smile

That goofy smile

 

The rope is stretching

The limits are going beyond

My heart will tear

And yours would

Last tears escape the eye

And words assure the heart

Its for the best

 

So goodbye my lover

You’ve been the one

You’ve been the one

For me

You deserve happiness

Forgive me

I could never love you well.

11/11/2014

Cayenne*

 

 

 

REBOUND

People make mistakes
And to make up for them
They make even worse ones
You were my mistake
The worser one
A rebound

I thought I could make him see
I could move on
Without him
If only I closed my eyes whiles
Kissing you
Your taste will replace his
And
I could shut him out

And I could love you
Make you real
As he never was
And you would love me
As he never did

And in the heat of your kisses
And numerous calls
And mundane conversations
And honest eyes
Which enquire daily…………
“Do you love me?”…..
I just might

….Just might
Admit that I made another
Terrible mistake
And end your misery
04/11/2014
Tasha

Holding on to a Shooting Star💫

I’ve spent so much time and energy

Holding on to you

Building my world around you

My repeated song to my girlfriends

Every bridge was solid on your

Memories

Every cross road dependent on words

Spoken on your laps

My life was hemmed with your life

Skirted with your energies

Which fueled me indirectly

Through echoes of your spoken

Words

I walked in your shadow

Till I realized

You were a facade

 

You never were

Because

We never travelled the journey of

A relationship

Not that a relationship’s term is

Marked by a duration

No

Neither by how often we smiled

To each other

Or how many pillow fights we had

Or how many elegant dinners we had

But by

The days we went at length to clarify

Misunderstandings

Your misgivings and mine

The nights we spoke about nothing

and everything

The days you saw me without

Makeup

The moments you farted in my

Presence

Then we could

…Can say

We were

We lived

You were mine and

I was yours

You knew me

And I you

 

So real talk-

I didn’t know you

For we were months and smile old

Dining’s and giggling young

Early kisses on a Sweet November

A first love’s touch

First contact with romance

But I never knew you

Because we were over before

I blinked

 

And yet I’ve spent my energies

And time

Holding on to your memories

Something that never was real

06/11/2014

Natasha