Painful Love

Emotional Turmoil

 

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Even before I’m mad

At you

I know I will get over it

Forgive you

And miss you all over again

 

And part of my anger is

For this very reason!

 

I’m in that mood

Angry

And at the brink of tears

Tossing in bed

And pouting

And if you were near me I would

Kiss you till you bleed on your lips

 

Coz I hate you!

I hate that you can’t meet my needs

I hate that you can’t love me

The way I want you to!

I hate that I’m still around

And I still can’t walk away

And I’m still here

And you’ve not witnessed…

Your eyes have not seen

How angry my soul is!

 

I need you to see it

Damnit!

I need you to see it

Before I end up loosing my strength

And end up walking away

 

I need you to save me

Please save me!

….Save us!

Sweep me off my feet

Just SMILE at me

Your adorable smile

And I’ll love you again!

And forget I’m angry

 

Just call!

Call me often and make my heart

Feel I have someone

To all my own

Just text!

Text me ‘you miss me’

And add a funny face…

To make me burst out in laughter

 

Just pass by!

Surprise me at work

With a little note and a flower

Almost dead…

Its not the gift you bring…

Its the gesture*

How do I say it

Without seeming pathetic

Loosing my esteem

And pride

And womanhood

 

How many times haven’t i tried

And spoken it aloud

That I want us to be more than this?!

Not just the certainty of knowing

We will get married…

No!

I know that already

 

Are women just complicated

Or

Do you just not know I need

Your affection

Not just assurance

I need you

Not just the ring

When we finally fall on the bed

I need it to be love making

Not just a husband fufilling his duty

How do I tell you all this

And not loose interest

That day you say, “I love you”

Coz

I will feel…

I forced you to say it

 

Lets rewind

Did you propose?

Why?

Because of my sweet spirit?

Are you still interested?

Do you think this will work?

We will work?

Because I don’t know what to think

Of us

Of this

And where we are going

 

I was scared

Then I was tired

And now I’m worn out

Would have been okay and just

Drag along

If only my heart didn’t miss you once

In a while

Don’t even know why it does

If you aren’t as loving as i

Wish you would be

 

But in moments like this

Tears flow

And I loathe feeling helpless

In this place

On this fence I know where

Not to go

Coz it’s too late

I can’t…

Dont even think

I can love someone again

Start all over again

I’m stuck with you

And we just have to work out

We must

 

Maybe I’m exhausted today

And my hormones are overreacting

And I’m in my time of the month

And my nipples are hard..and

I’m writing too many poems

I just have to go to sleep!

Tomorrow I would be better

Get back to normal

Ready to love you again

…With my strength

And will

 

Ready to smile when you

Finally call

And be coy

And flirty

And loving

And make what we have work

It must work.

23/11/2014

Natasha- City

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