Even before I’m mad
At you
I know I will get over it
Forgive you
And miss you all over again
And part of my anger is
For this very reason!
I’m in that mood
Angry
And at the brink of tears
Tossing in bed
And pouting
And if you were near me I would
Kiss you till you bleed on your lips
Coz I hate you!
I hate that you can’t meet my needs
I hate that you can’t love me
The way I want you to!
I hate that I’m still around
And I still can’t walk away
And I’m still here
And you’ve not witnessed…
Your eyes have not seen
How angry my soul is!
I need you to see it
Damnit!
I need you to see it
Before I end up loosing my strength
And end up walking away
I need you to save me
Please save me!
….Save us!
Sweep me off my feet
Just SMILE at me
Your adorable smile
And I’ll love you again!
And forget I’m angry
Just call!
Call me often and make my heart
Feel I have someone
To all my own
Just text!
Text me ‘you miss me’
And add a funny face…
To make me burst out in laughter
Just pass by!
Surprise me at work
With a little note and a flower
Almost dead…
Its not the gift you bring…
Its the gesture*
How do I say it
Without seeming pathetic
Loosing my esteem
And pride
And womanhood
How many times haven’t i tried
And spoken it aloud
That I want us to be more than this?!
Not just the certainty of knowing
We will get married…
No!
I know that already
Are women just complicated
Or
Do you just not know I need
Your affection
Not just assurance
I need you
Not just the ring
When we finally fall on the bed
I need it to be love making
Not just a husband fufilling his duty
How do I tell you all this
And not loose interest
That day you say, “I love you”
Coz
I will feel…
I forced you to say it
Lets rewind
Did you propose?
Why?
Because of my sweet spirit?
Are you still interested?
Do you think this will work?
We will work?
Because I don’t know what to think
Of us
Of this
And where we are going
I was scared
Then I was tired
And now I’m worn out
Would have been okay and just
Drag along
If only my heart didn’t miss you once
In a while
Don’t even know why it does
If you aren’t as loving as i
Wish you would be
But in moments like this
Tears flow
And I loathe feeling helpless
In this place
On this fence I know where
Not to go
Coz it’s too late
I can’t…
Dont even think
I can love someone again
Start all over again
I’m stuck with you
And we just have to work out
We must
Maybe I’m exhausted today
And my hormones are overreacting
And I’m in my time of the month
And my nipples are hard..and
I’m writing too many poems
I just have to go to sleep!
Tomorrow I would be better
Get back to normal
Ready to love you again
…With my strength
And will
Ready to smile when you
Finally call
And be coy
And flirty
And loving
And make what we have work
It must work.
23/11/2014
Natasha- City