Painful Love



I’m looking at you
And am not sure if I’m looking
At a stranger
Or a fraudster
He has the same features
Of a man I trust- trusted
A man I love- love
But it’s blurry
You are blurry
My vision is blurring
Please put an end to this
With words of reason!
Tell me something logical
Against incriminating evidence!
Tell me there’s an explanation…
That you didn’t cheat on me!
That there are not two women
Do you belong to me  at all?!

Tears can’t flow
I’m just dazed
Yet my mind is working
Already planning how to
Gather back the broken pieces
Of my life….

I know my spirit is dying
Within me
But for the sake of loved ones
I must live
I must even marry….
A man again….
There is no other creature
But there will definitely not be
Love again

Are you still on your knees?
Is not all this a movie?
Will you not tell me
Something essential?!
To break this dizziness
I feel like a zombie

Don’t touch me!
Don’t hug me!
Don’t you dare kiss me!
Just speak!

I love you!
I already know that I can’t
Stop loving you
Love cannot cease at a
Drop of a hat!
Ice cannot cut it into two
It’s too deep…too dense
Decades of sedimentation

But I wanna hold you
I wanna kiss you
I wanna breathe in your
Scent one more time….
I love you stranger
Even if you’re a fraudster!
And if given the chance
I won’t turn back the hands
Of time
Your love changed my life
Your love mentored my years
Is it really over?
Are you still not speaking sense?
                                 Natasha- City

You watch the drama in telenovelas and you fall in love with it……and you wish your relationship could be as dramatic and passionate.

But then if really….you have ever experienced an ounce of the drama displayed in them- you will know never to wish for a thing like that again!

Thinking your life partner has cheated on you is one of them! And I don’t mean suspicions- I mean seeing hard evidence! With no warning signs to prepare you for this revelation!

You won’t cry like you see in the movies. It will be like your wind- pipe has been cut off… will be like your world has ended……

And like a movie you will rewind your life with him/her……..and you will look out for behaviors you should have been suspicious of. And you will stare at him or her over and over again……………………and wonder…was I kissing or making love to a fraudster all this while? And given the chance will I write my life differently. And the answer you find is what will show how much you loved him/her.


Daddy God

Pampered Royal 


I was born with your golden spoon
In my mouth
I was born with your love
Grew up in the warmth of
Your sunshine
Basking in your love even as a child
I didn’t know you
No one needs to show a child

And every time I would ask
You would supply
And would speak when you couldn’t

Even if you were silent
For a season
You awed me with your wonder
In hindsight

But you’ve been silent for long
And it seems you’ve failed me
All is crashing down around me
I thought you were leading me!!!!
So why is all crashing down?!!
And why can’t I see your saving hand!!!!

I don’t know how to do anything
With my hands
I don’t know how to start working
On my own
Building without you
Walking without faith
Investing with my human strength
All I know how to do is to trust you!
I’m not used to manual labor
I’m used to resting in your arms
Walking like a princess
Confidence deeply rooted in my papa!

Now must I live like a pauper?
Planting and watching over my shoulder?!
Trust with borders?!

I can’t Lord!
Too pampered to begin such a life!
Not when I’ve known your rest
And love!
I’m Royalty!

Speak my Lord!
Speak to me!
Break the silence!
Slice it in two!
Treat me like Job no longer!
Let me not break!
I can’t imagine a life without your love!
I was created to be loved
By you!
And my spirit knowth it well.

Gal 4…..”Now I say that the heir, as long as he is a child, does not differ at all from a slave, though he is master of all, but is under guardians and stewards until the time appointed by the father…….
Therefore you are no longer a slave but a son, and if a son, then an heir of God through Christ”

From childhood I have lived with this knowledge….that I am an heir of Christ…a peculiar one….I am Royalty! And that whiles people are running this journey (a race), I am running with God (Grace).

And so though I work hard and plan my life I always do it with the knowledge that he is in control and what my human strength can accomplish- his grace can make me accomplish a hundredfold!

And then I get to a point in my life where all seems to be fail me….and it seems I have no one in the world and I’m crushing……it seems I’m going to loose all that I ever held dear……..and still God is no where on the scene.

Then they tell me….don’t put your trust in a God…….depend on your own strength and focus on your goals.

But how does a Royal begin to live like a Pauper. I have always known that in the midst of all his awesome creation and the universe I am the CENTER of focus (man) and to live as if I wasn’t loved would be the greatest error! To live as if I was not Royalty would be the greatest error!

And this isn’t a God I have known by theory but by experience! I refuse to give up! They that wait upon The Lord shall mount up with wings like eagles! I will not give up!

When you come across huddles in life God says guard your heart- take every thought captive! Refuse to settle beneath your promise! For the weapons of our warfare are not carnal- 1st Cor 10:4. Speak what you believe and let God’s word take authority over your situation!