Painful Love

When I say I love you…


When I say I love you
I mean
I can’t believe you are mine
With all the boundaries around you
I’m the woman who gets to have
Your heart

When I say I love you
I mean
You are wonderful
Your heart
Your strength
Your commitment
Your vision
They leave me in awe
And knowing I’m at the center
Of these makes me feel like
The luckiest woman on earth

But when i say I love him
I mean
With him I feel beautiful
In my skin
In my personality
In my being

With him
I smile effortlessly
I Loose all my phobias
And begin to soar

When I say I love him
I mean
His name makes me
And I don’t need a lube
His words overflow my heart
With living poetry
Poetry in abundance
And I’m forever aching to write
And live the next day

With him I REST
And yet take on larger responsibilities
I blossom and never feel weary
I laugh and I’m ready to
Try salsa dancing
I begin building my life
And not with weary eyes
But eyes filled with life and meaning

With him I’m vulnerable
And yet strong
Passionate and yet focused
Playful and yet mature
A girl and yet a woman
Sexy and yet demure
And life suddenly
Takes on a new form!

In this journey with you
I was armed for every huddle
We would face
But my heart never conceived
A huddle of this kind
And my neurons were never prepared
For pain they could not block
Oxytocin at it’s peak

I have taken the steps
My heart promised you
A time before today

To keep and cherish your heart
Was my promise to you
And I swear I would never break it

And I can only but pray
That time will do it’s job
And heal this
Terrible Ache and throbbing desire
That threatens to make life
Bleak and loose essence
In my eyes
That threatens to explode and
Shed tears unending………
Tears for a man
I would never get to love
Tears for a man
Who resembled my Life’s Answer

Help me God
                                  Natasha- City

Maybe if your lover had all these other abilities he/she seems to lack…then the relationship would be Perfect! Yes you love him or her just the way he is….she is……but

If only he could be more supportive….put more effort in looking good… more romantic and spontaneous…..more in tune with how you feel. Damn! Then the relationship will be just perfect!
But we are all human- flawed beings…..and perfection will always be a stone’s throw away.

As long as it’s not a ‘gulf’ away but a stone’s throw away, there’s no need dumping him/her for the next person you’ve fallen for. You might be chasing an illusion you will regret a life too late.

Just some few silences left…..some last fading words…….then I’ll be able to forget about him…..and stay faithful to my partner.



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