fearful love

My Teddybear

image

I don’t know how I can be a

Wife to you

I ponder how I can be your

Right arm

I think on how I can be a mother

To your children

And sometimes I’m afraid

That I won’t me a good representative

Of a Mrs. H-City

And sometimes I fear that I

Won’t wear you well

But maybe I’m looking too far

I should start with here and now

When you’re my teddybear

And am “Your Majesty”

How do I love you

How do I hold you

How do I walk with you

And let you know you can put

Your heart in my palms

But then will I really never break

Your heart?………..

Coz my past has no template to

Assure you I won’t

And my memory has no clean slate to

Speak assurance

And the truth is my heart is afraid

I really might hurt you

When I get tired of arguing with you

When my weaknesses are revealed

To it’s fullest

When taking care of you plus

The children

Becomes overwhelming

Maybe I will want to walk away

I’m afraid of letting you kiss me

And making love to me

And falling in love with you

Coz one day you might stop

And even loose respect for me

And I would die inside

So everyday I calm my fears and

Tell myself it will be well

And just walk each day with

His lamp on my feet

And light in the dark

And still

I can’t see anything

I can’t see how you will ever

Come to love me

And even if you do

I can’t see you loving me after

Two years of marriage

Enough time for you to know

My inherent stupidity and weaknesses

I see you regretting- choosing me

As your wife

If only you knew now

But then for the man that you are

I see you deciding to live with it

Everyday…a day at a time

And I see God raising me

His hand upon me

And showing the world that He

Chooses the despised things of

This world to dumbfound the wise

Raising me to be a woman of great

Virtue and honor

A blessings to generations

An example to young people

Then your love will grow again

And you would understand why

You chose me

And then our Love will blossom like

The flowery garden He planted and

Watered with the dew of Heaven

But oh it will take all the strength

I have within me

And all the tears left to be shed

And all the growing up with its

Ramifications of embarrassments

And trying moments

It will take letting you down

A billion times

And seeing the disappointment in

Your eyes

The shock at my weaknesses

It will take getting naked before you

City

And I’m afraid of this journey

Teddybear

I’m glad for a man who forgives

Seventy seven times seven times

For I will need it

But I’m still afraid

So what do I do?……..

06/12/2013

Natasha- City

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2 thoughts on “My Teddybear

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